“Remember”

play music and read:

I drove through the timeworn gates towards the top of the hill. I could only just see the sun peering through the grey clouds and setting over the London buildings. I had avoided visiting this place for so long. I tried to ignore my memories of the last time I was here but instead I could feel my eyes becoming damp. I quickly rubbed them trying to cover up my emotions but I was noticed from the passenger’s seat. “I’m glad you decided to come, Harry” Louis said softly. Too scared to talk as I might have broken down sobbing if I did, I acknowledged Louis with a soft pat on his shoulder. I continued driving to the top of the hill and could see three figures appear in the distance.  

As I drove closer, I tried to make out the figures’ appearance. One of the figures started to look familiar. But his hair was grey and he was extremely thin. I parked the car, almost 20 metres away from where they were and sat there trying to decide whether it was the same boys I used to spend every day with. The man next to the first figure looked familiar too. Only he barely had any hair on his head but needed to shave his rough whiskers which were obvious even from my distance. Next to him was a shorter man, rounder than the rest.

“Gosh they’ve changed a lot” Louis murmured in the passenger’s seat. 

“Not everyone has the non-aging ability like you” I chuckled.

Being unconvinced it was them, I tried to get a glimpse of the faces. I looked at the thin man with the grey hair. He had a jaw line which reminded me of the young Zayn I used to know. The second man who needed to shave had face expressions so familiar, they almost resembled Liam’s. The short, round man couldn’t have been Niall because he had bright blond hair last time I saw him and he definitely was in better shape. But his piercing blue eyes told me it was him. 

They all noticed me staring at them and acknowledged me with a wave. 

“It is them” I decided out loud, “Wow, it’s been a while, I’ve really missed them” I said softly as I waved back.

 “So are you just going to sit or are you going to say hello?” Louis asked. 

“Come on lets go” I replied.

“You go first, I just need a minute.”

I unbuckled my seat belt and was about to open the door when Louis said “Wait harry,” I turned and faced him and found his blue-green eyes looking deeply into mine. “Thank you for coming, I really do appreciate it” his sincere voice spoke. 

I gave him a tight hug “No worries man.” 

I got out of the car and made my way towards the three men. I put a smile on and greeted them all with a hug.

“Good to see ya” I heard the familiar Irish accent say. 

It was definitely good to see them again. We talked for a while, catching up on each other’s lives and telling old jokes. After a while, I glanced back at the car wandering where Louis was, but he wasn’t there. I carried on talking to my old friends. 

It had been forty years today since we were all together. After the incident, we just couldn’t go on as a band. It wasn’t long until our fans moved on to another teenage boy band and we had essentially been forgotten. I told them about my many bad cases of depression and some mental health issues. Zayn told us about his countless trips to rehab as a result of drug and alcohol addiction. Niall told us how he had been arrested many times and Liam talked about his failed marriage with Danielle. Essentially, the breaking of the band and the incident had a massively negative impact on our lives. Despite hearing about their bad experiences, just hearing their voices and seeing their faces made me feel like we were the same young men we once were, like we were almost a band again. Almost. 

“So, how have you been?” Liam asked after a while.

I paused for a second. Took a deep breath and said “It’s been a tough day.” 

Zayn patted me on the back. “It’s been hard for all of us. But I can’t imagine how you’d be feeling. He was your best mate.”

We all stood there for a moment and looked down at what we had been trying to avoid looking at, trying to escape the pain of the reality. The grave stone read Louis Tomlinson 24 December 1991- 23 July 2014. Much loved son, brother, friend and band member of One Direction. 

We stood there silent. I felt a hand touch my shoulder. It was Louis’. I had given up on convincing people that he was still there and that I could still see him. I looked back at his grave and felt a tear run down my face. We all put our arms around each other.

 Louis died the night of One Direction’s 4 year anniversary. We were out celebrating. I thought I could handle driving the lads’ home even though I had a few drinks; obviously not. We all were crushed pretty badly in the accident but not as much as Louis. I saw Louis sitting there beside me when I woke up at the hospital thinking he was still alive. No one believed me and therefore I was treated as a mental health patient. Since then he has always been there when I needed him.

After a few moments, Liam softly started to sing:

“I thought I saw a girl brought to life, she was warm she came around like she was dignified.”

The three of us looked at Liam while he was singing, remembering the familiar tune. Then it was my turn to sing my lines. I pulled myself together as best I could and sang:

“There’s nothing left, I used to cry. My inspiration has run dry.”

By the chorus we were all singing “Nothing’s fine I’m torn.” 

Then, it all came back to me- the night we were put together as a band, the first week we spent together at the bungalow, the judges house, the X-Factor performances, the recording of the albums, the making of the film clips, when What Makes You Beautiful became number one, the world tours, winning our first award at the Brits, all the parties and that final night. 

As we continued singing our hearts out, a voice whispered from beside me “Good-bye Harry.” I turned to look at Louis as I was singing but he wasn’t there. Zayn did his final part and we stood there silently tears beginning to flood from our eyes. “Good-bye Louis” I said.

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